Raising kids can feel like a blur. You wake up in the morning next to a tiny infant snuggling with you, blink, he's a teenager and three inches taller than you. It's realizing the blur that makes me sit quietly and breathe in a million little moments, taking a mental snapshot of the truly extraordinary mundane.
In the blur, there is a marriage too. I married my best friend and the only person I want to ride this awesome roller coaster with.
It would be unfair though to pretend that through our adventures, there hasn't been those times we were at risk of losing touch with each other. It's so easy, through the blur, to become roommates, distant. Statistics tell us, that the deck is slightly stacked against marriage. Those same numbers will declare a marriage that involves kids with special needs, at an even greater risk.
Seeing, and feeling this, means that we go out of our way to make sure that we still stay in touch with the friendship and the connection that made us.
We have moved mountains, (and damaged credit cards) to have weekends away. Date nights, are part of the monthly budget, even if it means a walk at the river and coffee in a mug from home. However, there is one thing we rarely get an opportunity to do...be in our own house, alone.
This past week, we suddenly fell into an opportunity where the kids were all at assorted sleepovers for the night. We love our kids, but I'm so not going to pretend that we didn't help them get out.
The house feels different without kids. It's a little bit empty, and a little bit exciting. We enjoyed the quiet, and missed the chaos.
Sure we took advantage of the empty house, but more importantly, we talked. We checked in, when it would have been just as easy to check out.
How do you hold on to those relationships that are important to you? How do you 'get away' in your own home?
In the blur, there is a marriage too. I married my best friend and the only person I want to ride this awesome roller coaster with.
It would be unfair though to pretend that through our adventures, there hasn't been those times we were at risk of losing touch with each other. It's so easy, through the blur, to become roommates, distant. Statistics tell us, that the deck is slightly stacked against marriage. Those same numbers will declare a marriage that involves kids with special needs, at an even greater risk.
Seeing, and feeling this, means that we go out of our way to make sure that we still stay in touch with the friendship and the connection that made us.
We have moved mountains, (and damaged credit cards) to have weekends away. Date nights, are part of the monthly budget, even if it means a walk at the river and coffee in a mug from home. However, there is one thing we rarely get an opportunity to do...be in our own house, alone.
This past week, we suddenly fell into an opportunity where the kids were all at assorted sleepovers for the night. We love our kids, but I'm so not going to pretend that we didn't help them get out.
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| We didn't stay home the whole time. Hit some balls at the driving range, which is always good for a laugh. I can either hit the ball 150+ yards or half a foot. |
The house feels different without kids. It's a little bit empty, and a little bit exciting. We enjoyed the quiet, and missed the chaos.
Sure we took advantage of the empty house, but more importantly, we talked. We checked in, when it would have been just as easy to check out.
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| After a little dinner, a walk and talk at the river. |
This really struck a chord with me as I try and push down the resentment I feel towards my other half tonight. We both work hard. Me at home, him at a job he doesn't particularly enjoy. We both feel frazzled, we both feel under appreciated. I sometimes wonder if we'll be able to find our way back. Back to what even? That's definitely lost in the 'blur'. I didn't marry my best friend. So what was he and what is he now. I just dont know. I come from a divorced family and I don't want that for my kids. But what about what I want for me? I honestly dont know.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like your foundations are good and you put the work in too. As a result you are a real team. I am really pleased for you (and a tad envious!). I only read a handful of blogs but those I do are of women in strong marriages. It was my aim and I'm failing... Gosh I've waffled on. Thanks for the post. Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it... Yet! Sarah x
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI really felt your comment. Your perspective was one of the reasons that I almost didn't post this one. However, I totally understand what you are saying. Sometimes despite our best intentions stuff doesn't work. There should be no fault or blame in that. You have a beautiful family, and I wish you a boatload of happiness, whatever that might look like.
You are right, we have foundations and we put in the work, but then that negates the work of all those that didn't make it. Sometimes a couple stays together simply because they manage to in spite of everything else. If only there was a magic potion or some sort of simple solution, however, I think relationships in life are so complex and sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to them.
I do hope that this post wasn't hurtful to you. I was conflicted writing it. If nothing else, know that you have one person in your corner, wanting happiness for you, regardless of what that might look like.
Cheers Lisa