A little reflection reminds me, that, actually, there have been lots of "character building" moments. It's just that I ride the roller coaster with both arms in the air, screaming with laughter.
For thirty four years, my birthday claim to fame was that it was always sunny on my birthday. Some years I would feel the sunshine before I even opened my eyes. Other years, it might start overcast, but at some point, the clouds would part, and the bright orange ball would shine bright. Still relying on the outside to fuel my inside, I would tell myself, "It's always sunny on your birthday, because you are a sunshiny girl."
Recently, we have had some tricky years. Years when the definition of normal became a moving target; until we realized that normal was a four letter word, and extraordinary was the new black. Through all that, I still held onto the fact that life was good and it was all how you chose to ride the ride.
This year, my hubby offered to chase the sunshine. He found a beach less than two hours drive, with a sunny forecast. While that would make for a great story about finding your own sunshine, I realized that I needed to let the chips fall where they may. I needed to find sunshine within the stormy skies.
In life, I have learned that there is pure joy dancing in the rain and sunshine always lives in your heart, if you choose it. Today that lesson finally came full circle, and I arrived at a place of comfort and rest within it's truth.
My sunshine today was my own. It came from within and it was within the people that I love. It was in our oldest making me breakfast in bed (for an army) and then having all three kids share it with me.
|Yes, the date on that yogurt is May 13th. For all I love the boy, I couldn't eat it, and had to tell him.|
It was in hubby suggesting a drive in a rainstorm to pick up a new gadget for the camera.
It was in the moment when Graysen hugged me and said, "Happy Birthday" and Lorelei wrapped my hand cream up in a cloth and gave it to me as a gift. It was the journal that Caylen put together by hand and the card that Lorelei drew while I was in the bathroom.
It was comfortable coffee with a dear friend and love from friends that were far away but close in my heart.
It was not buoyed by the weather, but rather, it shone independent, because it was.
Life is sunshine, you just have to let it in, and remember, it's always right there, just behind the clouds.
So today, the rain was comforting and welcome. After 34 years of just sunshine, I've learned it's the rain with that sunshine, that really makes things bloom.
As soon as I finished writing this post, at about 8:30 I felt light through the window behind me. It was heading to bed for the night.
Calling a friend I pulled the, "I don't care that you are in your jammies, it's my birthday, the clouds are parting, and I'm losing the light. Be ready in two."
She thought I was insane, but all the best people are.
Reward.......Waaaaa-pam! The clouds parted and there was awesomeness. Beautiful, pink, bright fleeting awesomeness. Not sunshine, but I knew it was there, just behind the clouds. It feels like the secret to true happiness is knowing that there is always sunshine, sometimes you just have to find it, yourself.
Finally, tonight, I dragged my hubby out to a cemetery by our house to try out my new cable release for the camera. I took my first night time long exposure. While it exposed, we danced to Ingrid Michaelson, and laughed. When it developed, we looked in excitement and I laughed remembering that I'd forgotten to set the focus to infinity. I've got no where to go but up from this image, and it inspires me to learn.
It's going to be a great year. Night night.